Forgiving The Unforgivable

Reconciliation and forgiveness is possible after experiencing a violent conflict/trauma. This was one of the statements from the anticipation guide. What did you rate it? Are you in agreeance or disagreeance? The first time, I rated it a 5/5 because I, personally, know that it is from experience. After reading The Bite of the Mango, I had more reason to rate it the way I did.

In chapter 21, Susan asks Mariatu if she would be willing to meet a former child soldier named Ishmael Beah. This gives Mariatu mixed feelings.

“At first I felt only anger. I wanted those four boys dead. I hoped the special court would order them killed.

But the anger made me feel sick, and over time I saw that taking a life was not the solution. They were kids, like me, who’d got caught up in something beyond their control. Maybe in the bush they’d thought of their parents and sisters, and felt alone and scared like I had.

There was nothing I could do, I realized, even if I wanted to. Even if those boys were right in front of me, I wouldn’t be able to hurt them, not with my words or with my body. They might spend some time in prison, but there was no way I could allow myself to make them suffer. Instead, I imagined those boys standing before me as I said to them: ‘I hope you’re very sorry for what you did to me. But I forgive you.’” (page 197)

It can be extremely difficult to forgive someone, especially if they have hurt you many times over. I think the reason some people cannot forgive is because they associate it with forgetting. The phrase “forgive and forget” is completely misguided because you never really forget how you have been wronged, nor should you if you want to learn from it. Although Mariatu is angered, she still finds it in herself to forgive those who put her survival in jeopardy.

On the other hand, it is a whole different matter to condone yourself. In chapter 12, Mariatu expresses her feelings of guilt to Father Maurizio.

“‘This is all my fault,’ I cried out to Father Maurizio just before we pulled away. ‘If I had loved Abdul more, he would want to live. If he dies, it’s because my lack of love killed him.’” (page 108)

You can see that her guilt over Abdul continues to consume her through chapter 15, when she confides in Yabom after waking up from a nightmare.

“‘She deserves it more than me,” I sighed. “She’s such a good person, and I’m rotten. I killed Abdul.’” (page 146)

To forgive yourself is to accept yourself, knowing your flaws and mistakes. I found two quotes online that I find describe Mariatu’s situation well. Mila Bron said “In order to heal we must first forgive.. And sometimes the person we must forgive is ourselves.” This is very accurate because it uses the word ‘heal’. Mariatu could not get better herself until she accepted what had happened to her and what she too had supposedly done. Melanie Koulouris stated, “There is no sense in punishing your future for the mistakes of your past. Forgive yourself, grow from it, and then let it go.” This is very fits in with Mariatu’s story because after she stops mentally punishing herself, she focuses on becoming a better person for the future, developing her character.